How to Wrap a Cat

Okay, before I start, I realize this is not a post about Christmas (or other holiday) decorations, but it is technically about decorating something for Christmas. So as self-appointed judge and jury, I rule this is okay to post.

Many of you may be familiar with the YouTube sensation "How to Wrap a Cat for Christmas." If not, here you go:

Adorable, right?

If only it were that easy.

At least for me.

See, I have a gorgeous cat. Her name is Nevaeh, which of course, is heaven backward. And I have a firm belief, after owning a dog named Cujo and this kitteh, that the name of the pet determines their personality. Cujo, at the age of eight weeks, nearly tore my dad's thumb off. Nevaeh, well, Nevaeh has done a lot. Like tear my arms up, attack my feet every time I climb into the shower, reenact the face hugger scene in Alien. Not your normal cat stuff. As you can see, in the picture below, she's not very pleasant.

 Apparently, she wakes up on her own time.

So, anyway, when it comes to wrapping a cat, it just isn't that easy when Nevaeh is the cat in question. So, here is how I would wrap a cat:

1. Unroll a sheet of wrapping paper on the floor.
2. Wait until Nevaeh attacks the wrapping paper and lays on top of it.
3. Try to touch paper to shape it.
4. Put band-aids over fresh cuts.
5. Throw paper over cat.
6. Run.
7. Apply new band-aids and take an allergy pill.
8. Return to the paper once kitteh has again attacked it.
9. Quickly place piece of tape on paper.
10. Throw paper over cat, hoping tape sticks.
11. Run.
12. Hide from the quivering, snarling, white-hot ball of feline terror. Have phone ready to call 911.
13. Give up, and spend the rest of the month sleeping with one eye open.

I won't say I wish I had a more docile cat, though my scarred arms would be okay with that. I will say that my kitteh just makes things a little more interesting than your average pet. And that's why I love her.